Uyên Lu

Country road, take me home... (Deel 04)

Cai Dinh begins in its column “Culture and Society” with a series of double interviews under the titel “Country road, take me home...”. During these interviews two people will be asked, in a very broad way, to give their personal opinions by reason of circumstances that have lead to a lengthy period of time living in another country learning a different language and culture. The main purpose of these interviews is to exchange experiences so that we might eventually learn from each other.

In this fourth part of the series, Vinh and Christian will be interviewed. Both men are between the ages of 30 and 35 and belong to the so-called second generation in the United States. Vinh is from Vietnamese background and has been living in Northern California for the past 12 years. He’s still single. Christian is from Philippine background and has lived in Southern California since he was nine years old. He is just married with a beautiful Vietnamese young woman.

Thanks to the digital age, the interviews could be realized from a distance. In order to get a complete and clear view, the interviews are divided into three subtitles. The first subtitle deals with the past. For Vinh and Christian is this the period of time they had spent in their native countries. The second part deals with their present lives in the US; the third part is about their future, wherever that may be.

Can you tell us something about your life in your native country?

1. What did you do for a living?
Christian: I was just a kid.
Vinh: I was pretty much dependent on my parent until I was 19. While attending university with Economics major, I made some money by tutoring students privately from Fourth grade to Twelfth grade. I taught Math, Physics, Chemistry, English and even Vietnamese literature writing. The amount of money I made was just enough for me to spend for my own daily expenses and my student life.

2. How did you see your native country and its residents?
C: I thought that the separation between poor and rich was great.
V: I was 5 years old when the Vietnam War ended in 1975. I was educated by the new regime, led by communistic party. We all students were blindly brainwashed by the communistic government. At that time, all I know was we have great nature, rich of nature resources and an admirable tradition. I acknowledged that life was so much harder in the aftermath of the long war. I sympathized for our Vietnamese residents, who suffered a lot. We worked hard but gained little. Kids still had to make their living or at least contributed to their family man power. Vietnam’s standard of living remained one of the poorest in the world. I didn’t actually know that the economy was deteriorating quickly because of the way the new regime led the country.

3. What did you like and dislike about your native country?
C: Poverty and pollution.
V: I like the beauty of my country. I disliked the way the country led by a single party. The attempt to ask for the change on the policy was impeded by the communist government. Thus, we need democracy.

4. Which language did you speak at home?
C: English.
V: Purely Vietnamese. It is nice to know that the pronunciation in Vietnamese is different among the various part of Vietnam. And it’s really difficult for a foreigner to learn Vietnamese.

5. What were the major problems you had to deal with in your every day life (at home, school, study, at work, etc.)? How did you cope with this all?
C: My major problems were depression coming from my parents separation.
V: Food, shelter and security were our major concerns at that time. My father was sent to a re-education camp for his participation to the South Vietnamese Government. To cope with financial hardship, my mom had to send some of us to our close relatives to reduce family head-counts’ expense. Our home was taken away by the government. We were transferred to a smaller ghetto apartment, sharing with other family. “Knocking the door at night” policy to check the presence of each family member during the year of 1975 to 1990s is still a nightmare to me.

6. Could you get any help from anyone …?
C: No.
V: Yes, our closed relatives supported each other mentally and materially.

7. What is very typical of the Philippine/Vietnamese culture according to you?
C: Not to familiar with the culture since I was rather separated from it.
V: Strong bonding among family members and close relatives. Emphasized strongly on education.

8. How did you spend your leisure time?
Christian:
• Reading: Comics from marvel, DC and the Nancy Drew, Hardy Boys books.
• Film: James Bond.
• Music: Didn’t really listen to music…too young.
• Art: I didn’t really like art as a child.
• Political en social engagement? I was too young to be involved in politics.
Vinh:
• Reading: Historical and Geographical books
• Film: Romantic movies. The one that I still remember is “The root of Love”, an Indian movie, produced in 1980s
• Music: Soft music. Modern talking and Eagles bands. Favorite song: Hotel California
• Art: Not specifically. But I like drawing.
• Political en social engagement? I am trying to understand more about communism although I don’t like it.

9. What did you believe in? And how did you practise this belief?
C: Catholic, I went to church and went to a catholic school.
V: My family believes in Buddhism. I am just part of it. I trust the theory of Buddhism and try to practice it through my own ways. I always believe that the fundamental of any religion is teaching you a good way to live. However, I didn’t go to temples quite often.

10. What was your motto in life?
C: Didn’t have one when I was younger.
V: My motto was always “never lose hope.”

11. How did you see the United States of America and their residents?
C: Rich and clean. LOL!
V: At first I thought the US was great country where I could make a lot of money. I thought that the American people are nice and friendly. It was an unforeseen thought.

Tell something about your present life in the US

12. Tell us more as to the reason why your parent(s) immigrated to the USA?
C: I don’t know exactly.
V: We were very ecstatic to come here as immigrants through HO (Humanitarian Operation) program. The agreement was made between US and current Vietnamese government. They allow people who used to work with US troops during the Vietnam War and were kept in re-education camps for at least 3 years. My Dad was one of the victims.

13. Did you have to deal with any problems in the beginning (at home, school, study, at work, etc.)? How did you cope with this all?
C: Yes, I ran into culture shock. Living with a single mom is tough, coupled with being placed in the middle of another culture other than your own is also tough.
V: A lot. We realized that as new comers, we had to work harder. It was very typical that we had to work two jobs while attending schools at that time. However, we tried to stick together to help one another and to save money whenever we could.

14. Could you get any help from anyone?
C: I made friends and relied on their guidance and help.
V: Yes. The Christian group helped us some food, clothes and other living utilities for the first couple of months. My parents’ friends and relatives guided us some.

15. What are you actually doing for a living?
C: I work as a intranet administrator.
V: I am a design engineer for a chip-making company in Silicon Valley.

16. Which language do you speak at home?
C: English.
V: Still Vietnamese since I am living with my parents who can’t speak English fluently.

17. Is there a genaration gap between the two generations? How is it shown? How do you cope with this matter?
C: I don’t live with my parent/mom so I don’t deal with that.
V: Yes. My parents have a hard time to adjust their life. We, my brothers and sisters, all go to schools both here and in Vietnam so we filtered out what we should learn and follow up. My nieces here are our future generation, who will start showing some conflicts with our thoughts since they all are born and educated here.

18. What impression do you now have of the US and its residents? What is typical of the American culture?
C: Well I identify with the American culture more than my own native country’s culture. Since I grew up more in this country. I still see “Americans” as being rich and clean compared to 3rd world countries.
V: I am impressed by the way American people enjoy and work. I think American people have a lot of willpower. They know how to live for their own lives. One of typical American culture that I acknowledge is that they teach their kids independence and confidence. It seems to me that the idea of freedom is deeply embedded in American’s values.

19. In which culture do you feel at home with the most: Vietnamese, Philippine, or American?
C: I would say American.
V: We still keep our Vietnamese culture at home. My parents don’t mind to change if it really fits to our conditions. And so do I.

20. What do you like and dislike about America and its residents?
C: I like the fact that you can actually become someone here in a country of immigrants. As opposed to like living in France or UK or wherever….the stigma of being an immigrant would be less…
V: As I mentioned above, American people prominently have a good way to teach their kid to become more independently and confidently. I admire that. However, lack of respect between adults and kids irritates me. An example is that kids can talk/discuss with their parents but they are absolutely not allowed to yell back them. It happens a lot in an American family.

21. Is it nice growing up between two cultures, can you give an example?
C: Well sadly I really didn’t grow up with the Filipino culture….I am more attuned to Hispanic and American cultures.
V: I am not married yet but I think it’s nice to teach our kids both Vietnamese and American cultures. I think there’s a high correlation between American culture of teaching their kids how to be independent and Vietnamese culture how to respect their parents.

22. Do you find integration necessary in the US?
C: It felt natural for me.
V: I think it is good to behave American ways at work and outside home, but when we’re home, I prefer to be traditional Vietnamese.

23. Do you still have any problems adjusting or are integrated into the US?
C: I have no problems adjusting…of course there is always that racial tension but that goes anywhere in the world.
V: There are still a lot of problems that I have to deal with daily. Believe in different set of values, there are times we disagree with American way of life. Once a while, I am still got discriminated by some young native Americans. Completely understanding with the American laws sometimes is out of my reach.

24. How do you spend your leisure time at the moment?
C: I spend my time reading and watching films for leisure.
V: Calling a friend that I haven't talked for a while, browsing the web for news or some stuff that I don't know, doing some work-out in day time and/or reading my favorite book before falling to sleep.

25. How often do you cook as at home? What kind of food do you eat? And what is your favorite dish?
C: I eat at home almost all the time. I eat Vietnamese food since my wife cooks it well. My favorite dish is lemon grass chicken (ga xao xa ot).
V: My Mom cooks for the entire family. We all love to eat Vietnamese food at home. Nevertheless, I like American food. I don’t have any specific favorite dish but I like some fast food such as pizza, KFC chicken wings with hot sauce.

26. In which way do you feel different from your native people and the Americans?
C: I feel more akin to being American but still feel a little distance due to the fact that I was not a native. As for being Filipino I feel completely alienated….
V: The way to execute a matter. For example, to explain something, the American people go directly to the point while Vietnamese people get around it before getting straight to the point. The American execution is always relevant to the point.

27. In which way do you feel the similarties with your native people and the Americans?
C: I would say…their friendliness.
V: Both of them have high self-esteem.

28. What do you actually believe in? Can you practise your belief in America?
C: I am a catholic. Yes I can practice my beliefs here.
V: I like to preserve our family’s religion, Buddhism. So many times we got attracted by other religions as newcomers. I don’t have time to attend the temples’ occasional ceremony, except some big events.

29. What is your motto in life?
C: “Face what you fear”.
V: “One must always endeavor to do one’s best.”

30. Do you think it’s necessary to maintain your native language and culture? If your answer is yes, can you name some of those activities? In case you say no, why not?
C: No. I don’t feel connected to my native culture. If anything what could be considered your native culture if you grow up without experiencing the “native” culture and experienced more of the “American/Hispanic” culture?
V: Yes, for me it is very important to do so. I speak Vietnamese with Vietnamese people. I join Vietnamese clubs here. I teach kids Vietnamese culture.

31. What can’t you find in America in a material and non-material way? In what way does this influence the quality of your life?
C: Can’t say ……no clue….
V: Overall, I would say it is the compensation between morality and money. I can see that people is waved out by the strength of money. Everything is so much “business-liked”. Sometimes there are so many people forget the depth of love.

32. How often have you visited your native country? Did you bring anything from the US to your native country and did you take anything in particular back to the US?
C: Never visited.
V: I came to the US in 1992 and went back home once in 2000. I did tell all the truth about life for new comers in US. It is not easy as so many Vietnamese at home think of. What I brought here were the heart and souls of my Vietnamese relatives. They were so nice and thoughtful with me during the time I had stayed there.

33. Has your life become more enriched or unbearable? Can you explain this?
C: Life to me is normal.
V: I would say that my life is more and more meaningful. I realize the way to make it more beneficial not only for me but for others. I can say that today is a better life than yesterday. So far success has buoyed my confidence in this society. Of course, there’s still a tough short period once a while in my daily life basics.

Tell something about your plans for the future

34. Do you contemplate going back to live in your native country?
C: Nope.
V: I haven’t thought of it. Up to now, I don’t think it is a good idea for me to go back there to live or work there since I start getting used to American life, especially for my career. I know for sure that it is not an easy task to make a good life there.

35. Do you find it’s important that the third generation also contribute to the language and culture of your native country?
C: Not really.
V: Yes. But it is not easy for us and for them. For us, we have to find the best way to teach them Vietnamese culture and language. For them, they have to figure out how to absorb all of them in their minds while learning the American ones.

36. In which environment would you like your children to grow up in? Which norms, values and ideas would you pass on to your children?
C: I plan on having a family and having children. I plan on being a great father. I hope I can be one even though I didn’t have one myself. I would have them grow up in a loving family environment and teach them how to be noble.
V: I would have my kids growing up in this society where the opportunities are always there. Yet I would have them educated with Vietnamese tradition with the explicit instruction.

37. Where would you like to grow old, and why?
C: Vegas! Just kidding…I think San Francisco….I like the weather there and the museums.
V: I like to live in a peaceful place no matter where it is. But I prefer to spend the rest of my retired life in my own native land where I can talk, feel, and understand our own people.

Conclusion

38. What is for you the meaning of happiness? Can you give some tips for a happy life?
C: Happiness is a sense of belonging. Be with the one you love and you will find happiness.
V: Generally speaking, people always say happiness is enjoying what you have now. I think it is really arbitrary but it makes sense though. However, as a human being, dealing with this hectic life daily, sometimes I forget it. Therefore, I don’t think it is a true statement anymore. Rarely people accept what they have. People normally want more and more.
A few tips about happiness that I read in an email from one of my friends:
• Always smile
• Ready to help others
• Forgive others
• Have to have good friends
• Consider the importance of family getting-together moments
• Trust and be proud of yourself
• Know how to relax and enjoy but work hard
• Money is not all.
• Be yourself no matter what/how life is

39. Is there anything else you would like to get off your chest?
C: Yes, Life sucks when you’re down and I know because I’ve been there. It does turn around and life gets brighter.
V: A few things:
• Anything worth having is worth taking a risk to get!
• Housing prices crazily escalated recently in California!

You have included the readers of Cai Dinh into your world. Our heartfelt thanks for this. Cai Dinh wishes you a rich cultural life.

To the readers of Cai Dinh:
If you would like to react to these interviews, feel free to do so: info@caidinh.com

Our thanks to Marg and Arnold Eigeman for translating the introduction of the interview and the questions into English.

Uyên Lu
December 2004